Dudes, are your toes a tappin’? Well mine are definitely not. That’s right! The fall formal is here and this year’s theme is “Fall in Love Again This Fall”. Bleechhhhh!!!! School dances are bad enough, but to have to wear a dorky suit on top of it. C’mon! I think the teachers make us go just to get back at us for all the stupid dances they had to go to. But of course, Skye wants to go. And what Skye-baby wants, Skye-baby gets. I mean, she is my dream girl after all. But three hours of soft rock classics is more than this slacker can handle. So, SEND IN THE CLONE!!!!
C2’s always ready to take one for the team. Plus you can dress him up and take him anywhere, and you know what? We don’t look half bad in a suit. Skye text-ed after the dance to say I was FANTASTIC! Mission accomplished.
Until I got to school the next day and saw Lorna Lookman’s morning news cast. There was C2 cutting a rug like their was no tomorrow. Apparently there was a dance contest. And C2 entered himself and Skye. And they won! C2 busted out some serious moves. He looked like something out of one of Dr. Mom’s disco movies. If I wasn’t so embarrassed, I might have been impressed. If that wasn’t enough, Jamie shot the whole thing so anyone who missed the dance could still see it. Oh man! I think I’m gonna have to move to Flin Flon or Timbuktu.]]>
Whaddup blog dawgs?! Anyone else beat from gettin’ up so early for school? I mean, how do teachers expect any thinkin’ so early in the morning?? Maybe part of my problem is this totally kickin’ new game Turbo Tank Destruction Extreme. It’s so AWESOME, that I been staying up half the night playin it. Makes for a totally crashed out Crashman, know what I’m sayin’?
I figured the only way to wake up early enough is a little Evil Undead Aliens tune on my alarm clock/mp3 player. Totally worked! Woke up first thing Monday morning to the best song ever! Unfortunately the ‘Rents don’t appreciate good music. I guess they don’t like wakin up to screeching guitars and bangin drums. Maybe it was the cowbell that pushed them over the edge. Who knows? But C2 came up with a solution, as always. Now the alarm rings with “Blue Skies and Happy Trees”. Can’t say it really wakes me up, but it’s a great way to start C2’s day. Then I swap out with him after lunch. Everybody wins!]]>
Blogsters!!! Anyone else notice Lorna’s hangin’ around more than usual? I mean sure, she still looks in the windows and is always at my house when I leave for school. But lately it’s different. Hey, maybe cause we’re back IN school… So check this out. I was chillin’ in Agar’s class waaaay at the back. Lorna was in the front, as usual. But she wasn’t facin’ Agar like normal. She was turned right around and was starin’ at me! The WHOLE class! Now I’m all for turnin’ your back on Agar. Who wants to stare at that mug all day? But come on! After an hour it started to get weird, know what I’m sayin’?
After class I hightailed it outta there. I gave her the slip by duckin’ into the boys’ washroom. I called C2 to come and swap out. Problem was, he got there and started gabbin’ to her!! While she made googily eyes at him I was stuck in the second grossest place in school. The first being the classrooms of course. I had to call him two more times before he remembered why he was even there! Man, C2 and I have to have a serious conversation. No way I’m goin’ through school with Lorna chasin’ after me. It’s bad enough havin’ to hide from Agar!]]>
Yoooooooooooo! Man, I almost forgot how lame school is. Only two weeks in and I already miss the summer! Good thing my main dwag Jamie has a plan to keep us out of the classroom. At least for a little bit. See, he told Principal Powers he wanted to do a movie about football. Something moving and dramatic. Ya know, real sappy inspirational stuff. I think it’s pretty lame, but hey, anything that gets me out of class… ‘Cause I’m the star of the show! I know I know. What does the Crashman know about playing football? Nothin’, but all these years of clone ownership have made me the best actor in school. And there are stunt doubles for all the rough stuff! All I have to do is stand there and look “dramatic” while some other schlub takes the hits!
Turns out J-dawg didn’t budget for stunt double. What’s up with that?! After getting’ mashed for the billionth time I swapped out with C2. Man can he run when he wants to! He was so good at avoiding the tackles that Jamie’s movie about a underdog turned into C2 becoming leader of the pack! Man was J-dwag upset! I tried to save the day with footage of me playing “Space Aliens Football”. He got all the drama he needed when I lost at level three. Who knew aliens were so good at football? But, the only thing Powers was moved to do was to send us straight back to class with extra homework. And the absolute worst part is C2 is so tired from all that running he can’t even do the homework for me!]]>
Yo, Dawg-sters! Glad to be back at school? Not me! We only just got back to school and already they’re plannin’ our whole futures. See, there’s a career fair this week. So, the guidance councilor is making us do these lame assessments. They’re supposed to show us what “career path” we should take. I know! I already know my path, straight to the skate park. I mean, what is up with Guidance Councilors? Really! What do they actually do all year? They’re, like, totally worse than Vice Principals. And c’mon! It’s bad enough when you have to do a test for marks, but we’re not even being graded on these “assessments”. Good thing C2 loves doing tests. Wonder what my dream career’ll be anyways. Definitely something cool, like test pilot or movie star!
Except, I forgot it was “chore wheel day” at home when I sent C2 for the assessment. He was like totally obsessing about cleaning the house and stuff. And boy did it ever influence his test. Man, talk about embarrassing. My future career path includes Custodial Engineer. Don’t you need math for that? Director of Domestic Administration. You are a director, but it sounds hard. Think I’ll pass. Oh yeah, there was also Honey Wagon Captain. Don’t even know what that is? Well maybe if it comes with a company car. I guess I’ll have to become a test pilot or movie star the old fashion way. Win the lottery!]]>
Yo dudes! This summer has been a total blast! Two whole months of boardin’, gamin’ and chillaxing! Crashman’s idea of heaven. Even C2 had a great time. Of course his idea of fun is waaay different than mine. He thought it’d be “fun” to alphabetize my video games. All 283 of them. He didn’t stop there. He went and reorganized all of Dr. Mom’s crazy help books and Dad’s invention manuals. But I’m not complain’. Kept him outta my hair while I was playing Over Maximum Drive 3000.
But man! C2 just doesn’t know when to quit. He tried to alphabetize Chloe’s dark spirits books. HUGE mistake. She likes to keep them in order of “sort-of-evil” to “colossal-world-destruction-evil”. When C2 shuffled them around, Chloe showed him what colossal-world-destruction-evil really meant. To make him feel better I messed up all my games just so he could reorganize them. Hey, anything to keep clone-boy happy. And make my games easy to find!]]>
Yo Dawgs, been kinda out of action lately. In case ya didn’t notice. Hey, remember last year how the ‘Rents took us to a cottage for a “Loooong Weekend”. Well guess what, they loved it so much they decided to rent it again this year. For TWO WEEKS!!! That’s right. Two weeks with no CABLE, WIFI or Zbox - 720!!! All I had was my hand held Game-Grab SD and a handfull of games I’ve finished a dozen times. And if that wasn’t bad enough. I still had to deal with C2. No way I could leave him home for two weeks. Stupid clone labs don’t offer any self-feeding accessories. You call that customer service?
Anyways, hidin’ C2 in the car’s no biggie. Been there, done that. Know what I mean? But keepin’ Mr. Enthusiasm under wraps for two weeks in a tiny cottage in the middle of nowhere is another story. Turns out the cottage was surrounded by other cottages. And, the closest town had a pretty cool arcade/comic shop/skate shop with a super cutie named Bettie behind the counter. I kept C2 hopin’ the whole time doing odd jobs for the cottagers. The ‘Rents were impressed with my “industriousness” and Bettie was impressed with my high scores and knowledge of Marmot Lad back issues. I totally hope we go back next year!]]>
School’s only a couple weeks away. Startin’ to feel the stomach turnin’ already! So check this out. J-Dawg and me were chillin’ at the skate park, tryin’ not to think about school. When this dude shows up with this totally awesome new deck. Totally tweaked and tricked out with titanium trucks!!! Dudes, I have got to get me one of those! So I begged the ‘Rents for some cash. Can you believe they actually wanted me to use the money I made from the comic book store?!? No way man, those bills are goin’ to the next generation Q-Cube 6000! Anyways, so I told the ‘Rents that I needed the money for school gear. Which is true. Once I roll up on a board like that, super-cooldom is mine for the takin’.
I got home with the new board, totally stoked to take it to the park when Dr. Mom freaked. I guess when I said new school gear she thought I meant sweaters and stuff. Pfft! Who needs clothes when you’re zoomin’ down the sidewalk on a super-slick SkateHawk 9000 with spinners!? Well, I guess me, since Dr. Mom took the board away. I got a lecture about the “value of money” or somethin’ like that. She dragged me to the mall (totally embarrassing!) and made me spend my own money on new clothes. And not the cool stuff either. She actually made me buy this totally lame knit sweater! I was totally bummed out but good thing C2 was around. He offered to do extra chores around the house to help pay for the skateboard. And all he wanted in return was the sweater! I made him promise to only wear it when he was in the closet though. Man that thing is UGLY! But C2 likes it so I think it’s a pretty sweet deal.]]>
Whoa is us! Only three more weeks to go. I can’t believe the summer’s almost gone. I know school looms large on the horizon, dudes. But, don’t despair. It’s not all doom and gloom, just yet. One of the best things about summer around here is the annual Maple National Expo. I bet you’ve got something similar. Ah, the old midway. All those goofy old games. It’s so retro. Like playing video games in an ACTUAL arcade. And the food building. You can’t miss the food building. It’s like the mall food court times a million. And it’s so cheap. Last year I got, like, a hundred candy bars for like a buck, or something. That’s like keeping all the Halloween candy to yourself.
Oh man! I got so caught up in all those tiny donuts, mini-burgers, and chicken wings that I totally forgot about my date with Skye. I was supposed to bring her with me. But, she won’t go any where near the food building. It’s like she’s got some weird vegan allergy to being around all that meat. Just a quick call to my personal clone dating service. And, C2 go around and around on the Ferris Wheel with Skye until he’s to dizzy to stand. All the more funnel cakes and tube steaks for me.]]>
Yo Blog Dawgs, how ‘bout that crazy heat wave? Man, It’s like walking through jello out there. My feet were sweating so badly that the run-off from my socks was making my skateboard all slick. Trust me, peeps, there’s nothing more humiliating than wiping out on the road in broad daylight — except maybe landing face down in gutter butter.
And to top it off, I went sans-sunscreen yesterday and wound up with a major sunburn, which didn’t make my clone too happy since it meant he had to go out and get extra-crispy too. It was either that or try to explain to the rent’s why I’m as red as a flaming zit one minute and as pasty as a bowl of cafeteria porridge the next. Welcome to my world.]]>